Atop Mount Crumpit, where a place to send trash,

The Grinch sat on his throne covered in… ash? I’m not good enough at rhyming for this.

But it is Christmas, and as such (I don’t celebrate) I watch movies and do homework rather than opening presents. My top 5 Christmas movies (in no particular order) are How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), Love Actually (2003), Home Alone (1990), Die Hard (1988)(yes it is a Christmas movie, hush), Elf (2003), and A Christmas Carol (1984).

Today is in fact Christmas. As tradition, I queued up Jim Carrey’s magical performance and began to watch.

The citizens of Whoville are gearing up for their annual Whobilation, a celebration of Christmas. The town seems incredibly invested in the celebration, as Cindy Lou Who’s mother Betty Lou Who (portrayed by Molly Shannon) is in a Christmas-light-off of sorts with her neighbor, Martha May Who (Christine Baranski). Lou Lou Who (Bill Irwin), Cindy’s father, is the postmaster general.

Whoville LOVES Christmas.

There’s a party in the streets. Stores are selling out. There’s a countdown to Christmas, a massive tree in the town square, and a very small horn player playing his horn inside a regular horn player’s horn.

He gets sucked into the regular-sized horn player’s horn, and probably dies a very gruesome death. However, the movie treats this as normal – as such, so will we.

But it’s such hullabaloo! Everyone in Whoville is materialistic. They believe that presents and lights are superior to the meaning of Christmas. That’s just one of the issues that the Grinch is rising up against.

Cindy Lou Who (Taylor Momsen) wonders about the Grinch, so the movie shows us a Joker-esque origin story about the ol’ green fellow.

Did the Grinch father Baby Yoda???? Serious question. Like, he’s green. He’s got similar eyes. If he didn’t look like so much of a troll, and this film was a Disney film (it’s Universal), this would be a major issue. I mean, would that explain the force? Is the spirit of Christmas the sole reason that Darth Vader can choke out people???

If I was tormented the way the Grinch was as a child, I would retreat to the top of a mountain, too. I would be a grouch. I would be cynical, and I would hate festivities. Cindy Lou Who nominated the Grinch to come down to participate in the Whobilation and he got humiliated, too.

IN FRONT OF HIS CRUSH! TWICE!

Shaving is hard. I cut myself the first time I shaved, too. Plus, look at his face! It’s like an English Bulldog’s. The bumps and ridges of his face almost guarantee cuts. There’s no reason to make fun of that.

These people quite simply deserve everything they had coming to them. Like, take all their presents.

They only care for themselves. They make a holiday monetized and almost take out the meaning of Christmas.

The Grinch takes away their presents and Whoville is forced to realize the true meaning of Christmas – togetherness. And his heart does grow three sizes as a result.

By the Grinch’s hand, the people of Whoville are forced to remember Christmas for its original meaning. In times where materialism rules over everything, remember to check in on your people. Stay together (virtually, of course), and enjoy the waning hours of this Christmas season.